Are you there God, it’s me!

Are you there God, it’s me! Why again? — I am not sure how many times I said this to God.

I still remember the day when I could not secure engineering admission due to the reservations and pending court cases. I cursed God and his injustice to me.

My mother said, “Have faith in God always, he is always guiding you to the right path”.

I retorted “Mom, do you know what that means. I have worked hard for many and secured very good marks, still, I am on the waitlist thanks to the reserved quota. I do not believe in God anymore.”

The mother said, “There is still a court case pending. Have patience and never lose faith!“

I did not want to contest my mother and her faith. She would never understand what I am going through. My dreams were shattered and I was completely disillusioned. Not to hurt my mother, I screamed silently with pain and agony, “God, why me every time!”.

Going deeper down memory lane, I still remember my classmate and best friend Sundari. We always had fun together be it assignments, group activities or chatting endlessly.

I remember Sundari saying, “I tell you Ravi; our bond will transcend distances — one day will eat ice cream drinking warm coffee together in the US or Australia. We will do these silly things and chat forever”.

I used to tease her — “Is that your dream?” and she would respond — “You never understood my dream idiot. You are always an idiot and remain that”.

This idiot one day mustered courage and asked her, “Do you want to have coffee and ice cream together forever”. I still remember Sundari’s response with sadness.

“My marriage is fixed now. I waited for you so long. Sorry Idiot, I hinted so many times. Why did you take so long!”

We both cried bitter tears that day before we parted. I do remember cursing, “God, why me every time!”.

Having performed well in my job, I was in search of bigger goals. My soulmate and strength Anjali stood by me when I was grappling with the broken pieces of my heart after Sundari’s marriage.

I used to say to her “You are my fevicol, you glue things together.”

She would just smile “Stop! again, you are being cheesy”.

She was the force behind my success and together we bought a beautiful house in San Jose, California. I was quite well settled and enjoying life seeing my kids — the beautiful twins- transitioning to secondary school.

In mid-2019, I told my family “A blockchain company is asking me to lead sales and operations in the US. The founder is offering me a stake and retention fees. I think that is the best thing, I can fulfil my dream of becoming an entrepreneur. I am leaving my job to start this journey”.

My wife Anjali beamed and said, “God is always great and shows us the path. We have to keep doing the things!” I never challenged Anjali on her faith; just smirked, “One thing is for sure, am going for a marathon. So, chin up for this long haul.”

But as we entered 2020, the pandemic changed everything. I tried reaching customers for new projects and opportunities. I was working around the clock without much success.

I told Anjali, — “I am not sure, how long this will last”.

She would always hug and reminded me, “Remember you are running a marathon!”

Finally one fine day, my founder told me the inevitable.

“Hey Ravi, listen — many of our projects are put on hold. We are facing severe cash-flow issues. We have to put our US plans on hold.”

I pleaded “Give me some more time, I have a few meetings lined up.”

He said, “Ravi, I am sorry, we cannot spend a single $ further. I understand this will be very hard on you. I can pay you one more month's retention fee — at the maximum. These are very difficult and unprecedented times. I am sorry, this is terrible for you. However, I cannot help”

He left the zoom meeting, leaving me speechless, staring at the wall. I cried that day and could see doom for me and my family.

I told Anjali, “I failed you and the kids. I will have to leave the US if I don’t find a new job in another few weeks. That would ruin our kids’ studies and future.”

Anjali consoled me “Ravi, don’t be hard on yourself. The pandemic was not in your control. Let us see the options we have. Remember bad times don’t last forever. Let us see what God has in store for us.”

I could not control my anger. “Anjali — you know God is never on my side. Be it Sundari leaving me, engineering admission or the untimely demise of my mother”.

Anjali paused for a long, letting me settle down. She finally said, “You know Ravi, you curse God every time for your failures and pain. Even I lost my parents”.

“I know Anjali…”

“I am not finished, Ravi. You got the seat in engineering when additional seats were added as per the court judgement. In fact, you got computer science instead of mechanical, which was the best thing for you”.

“Let us also open the topic of Sundari, which I have always wanted to discuss. Do you know I always loved you? Do you ever realize how hurt I was, when you used to endlessly spend time with Sundari? I used to curse God then, however when I got engaged to you, I promised to never ever doubt my faith again.”

“Why did you never share this with me?” She said, “हर चीज का सही समय होता है, Ravi. Possibly this is the right time for you to hear this message. Do your best. Leave the rest to God.”

That honest conversation clicked something within and I promised to move along. I managed to bag some very interesting and inspiring assignments, which I would never have got in the job. I am doing a global role now and am very happy. I started practising running and preparing now for a real marathon : ).

I still do not have faith in God but I do not curse either!

हर चीज का सही समय होता है = There is always a right time for everything